argh ! yesterday I was partying with my friends and suddenly one of my friends is like "god you're so thin don't you EVER eat" I mean WHAT THE FUCK. Was she kidding! I've felt so fucking fat lately argh I'm disgusted with myself. I said to her like "No no I eat pizza and everything everyday, I love food" . She was just looking in my eyes like I was stupid. Then my boyfriend came and my friend said to him like "She's too thin" and my boyfriend was "yea I know" ugh. Frustrating. They're all stupid. They just don't get it.

OKAY now I have to get my motivation up again!

1. Bikini season is just around the corner.
-when I go to the beach I want to be skinny as hell

2. I'm gonna run in to my ex-boyfriend
- I want him to think "omg she's so skinny nowadays"

3.I wanna walk in shorts and let everybody think "gosh she has tiny legs"
-Skinny ppl look goood in any clothes


4.I wanna hug my boyfriend and feel myself tiny in his arms
-I want to cuddly without being insecure with my body

5.I wanna walk around with my underwear and feel like the most beautiful girl in the world
-I want to hear my boyfriend calling me pretty

mmmm I got my thinspo back :)

I just hate THIS DAY ;(  I ate an ice cream at schooool, I mean what was I thinking!? And then I got back home and I was starving, so I borrowed my step-dad's car and drove to buy some cigarettes. When I got back home I CRASHED MY STEP FATHERS' CAR!!!!! And it was terrible. And I had to confront him after that and it was soooo hard. I swore I would pay for all the compensations and take the car to the repair shop. But still I feel awful that I have broke something that isn't mine.He said that the repair expenses could be like 3000 euros. So BYEBYE summer money. And normally in this situation I would be too sad to eat but now I ate cause my step dad had made dinner and after what I had done I couldn't refuse of that. So now I feel like a piece of crap.

How come the best things in life are those which hurt you the most.  At least in the end they will. Like love. I think this dieting is the best thing in my life at the moment even though I hate it more than anything at the same time. It's the only thing that I can control on my own. It is just a matter of self-control. And it is the only way to feel like I have accomplished something.

mmm I´m feeling goood now cuz i´m not hungry at all and i´ve been so good all day food-wise.
 arghhh this pic was taken when I weighed like 95lbs. damn I want that stomach back!

Today has been kind of aweful. I found myself thinking bout my ex-boyfriend and since that i´ve been at a low ebb. I hadn´t thought about our relationship for such a long time. 
I think all of my blues comes nowadays from my shitty self-esteem which is pretty much my ex´s fault. I have some serious trust issues cuz of that too. Everytime my boyfriend goes out with his friends i`ll think he´s fooling around with other girls. And I hate this feature in me.
Food-wise this has been a good day. I haven´t eaten anything. I got these horrible hunger pains at my boyfriends house and just started to shake. I had all these cramps in my stomach and it was aweful. Despite of that I decided to go jogging when I got home and it wasn´t such a good idea. I ran so fast because I was feeling so sad. Then I got very sick and I purged. And since I hadn´t eaten anything it was just water. It felt so bad. Then I was feeling SO weak that I walked back home, and when I was in my room everything just blured and I passed out. I hate when that happens ! And now I´ve been all floopy. But I don´t care. I will NOT eat before friday!

 oh god I love nicole. I want those legs !!! teeeenytiny legs ahh